One of the common misconceptions that I come across is that it you aren't on (or actively seeking) a Relationship Escalator, then you aren't taking relationships 'seriously' and/or are afraid of commitment.
When my journey in polyamory started, I said that I wanted to be in a primary relationship with myself -- and have an orgy with the universe.
What are we doing if we're working on healing the way we build relationships if we're doing it alone?
It is possible to grow so familiar with what is uncomfortable that healthy relationships become unfamiliar, and stepping into them feels terrifying.
I had fucked up at Monogamy so bad that when I arrived in Polyamory, I was terrified of doing something wrong. The fear of messing up was paralysing, and when I turned to discussion groups in search of compassionate community, I discovered so much rhetoric focussed on what the One True Way to be polyamorous was. I felt like there was no room for mistakes, and I became afraid of talking about my mistakes.
I find myself thinking so much about Secure Attachment Networks.