Open relationships are challenging, confusing, and messy (even at the best of times). If you’re wanting support on how to find your way in the worlds of polyamory, relationship anarchy, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy, the coaching I offer can help you make sense of it all. I work from a trauma-informed basis, and seek to empower you in your journey to embodied, authentic, joyful and loving relationships.
Nov 2022 Update
Please note: My practice is currently full and I am not taking on new clients at this time. Please join my mailing list and/or use the contact page to learn when I will be opening for new clients again.
Who is Relationship Coaching For?
I specialise in working with queer and questioning humans — and the people who love them — who are curious about or already practicing consensual non-monogamy, with a focus on Self-Partnership, Solo Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy, and Trauma Informed practices.
My ideal clients are social misfits, cultural rebels, who are seeking support on dating and relating in honest non-monogamous relationship configurations. I work with individuals, rather than couples, but can work with all parties in a relationship individually. I focus on working with people exploring polyamory and relationship anarchy.
Personal relationship coaching can enhance your self relationship as well as the relationships you share with others. Coaching is different from counselling and is definitely not the same as therapy: while counselling and therapy help to integrate past experiences into the present, I see coaching as what helps you move forward from the present, and into living and loving joyfully.
The people who enjoy working with me as their coach are usually folks who have enjoyed or resonate with the works of Brene Brown, Betty Martin, Dr Kim Tallbear, Dr Meg-John Barker, Gabor Mate, and Peter Levine.
I am trans-affirming, feminist, kink-friendly, and anti-racist.
Who is Relationship Coaching not for?
Relationship coaching is not helpful or effective when a relationship is in a state of emergency. If you are actively experiencing debilitating panic, paralysing anxiety, or find your brain spinning out constantly, then I encourage you to first seek out the support of a qualified therapist or counsellor.
The relationship coaching I offer is not a substitute for therapy and counselling.
I do not work with people seeking life-long monogamy.
I am not the right coach for people who enjoy Joe Rogan, Aubrey Marcus, Teal Swan, Kelly Brogan, or Jordan Peterson.
If you want to do coaching with a partner, please book individual one-on-one sessions first. I do not see partners together as new clients unless we have had individual sessions.
Please ensure appointments are booked accurately: do not book an appointment for someone else under your email, as I send out important information to new coaching clients.
What to Expect with Coaching
With coaching, you are in the driver’s seat. The benefits you gain from this will depend on how you engage with this work, and your commitment to show up. It is not always easy, and sometimes I might challenge you to look at things that might get uncomfortable. It is absolutely okay to be uncomfortable, and I encourage you to be messy, imperfect, and honest (with yourself) about what your experiences are! Through many years of experience I have found that we grow when we lean in to those edgy, uncomfortable places, and look at what they want to teach us about ourselves, and our relationship with others.
When we first meet I’ll ask you a bit about your relationship history and what you’d like to work on. I’ll offer reflections, insights, and perspectives. I might challenge you with re-framing your situation or experience, and I’ll suggest some action steps you could take. These could look like things you do by yourself, conversations to have with a partner, or activities to explore. Sometimes, we’ll dive into specific skills work (like how to have courageous conversations, or recognising somatic boundaries). Our sessions might also include some somatic work where I invite you to notice the physical responses that accompany your psychological state and emotional experience.
The first session is always 75 minutes, but subsequent sessions can be 45 or 60 minutes, depending on how much you want to cover or how long it’s been since our last session. The frequency of coaching is totally up to you: some folks find they like to have several sessions in a short time period when they are going through particularly challenging situations. Others find that they like to have coaching sessions every-so-often, and might book every couple of months, or maybe a few times a year. It’s all about what feels best for you and what gives you the space and time to integrate the work into your life.
I accept payments via paypal or etransfer. For US and international clients I charge in US Dollars, for Canadian (domestic) clients, I charge in Canadian Dollars + 5% GST.
Regular Rate: $165/hr
$206.25 for 75 min; $123.75 for 45 min
Coaching Packages (full fee only)
$400 for 1×75 min, 2x 45 min (savings of $53.75)
$325 for 3×45 min (savings of $46.25)
Low Income Rate: $110/hr
(for anyone whose income is reduced)
$137.50 for 75 min; $82.50 for 45 min
Student/Hardship Rate: $60/hr
(for students enrolled in college/university or similar, anyone on disability/income assistance, or whose income is below the threshold of living wage in their area)
$75 for 75 min; $45 for 45 min
Clients who have taken the six-week Monogamy Detox Course receive a 15% discount on whichever tier rate they pay at.
Rates for 2024 will be as follows:
Regular Rate: $180/hr
Low Income: $120/hr
"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."
Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.
Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources.
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer.
"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"
"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"
~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."
~ Anon Course Student
"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me."
"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."